“Consider yourselves lucky..”
Yesterday, at around 2 p.m. central standard daylight savings time, a giant wielding the largest pair of Xuron nail snippers these parts have ever seen, descended on Millerton, Missouri and destroyed most of that city. Train-workers operating in the vicinity only hours before were narrowly spared.
“It was just plain scary,” said long-time resident Peter Yanker. “This large gray-headed monster just came out of nowhere and started rippin’ up track and road-bed! He walked with a slight limp and carried this large orange claw-like machine that could rip out spikes and cut rail like nothing I’ve ever seen. Whole sections of track just disappeared in nothing flat!” Other townspeople report the Cargill elevator complex being lifted up and moved 200 feet to the west.
The railroad wasted no time in repairing the damage. “They immediately showed up with long prefabricated sections of track. I taint seen nothin’ like it, and I’ve seen just ‘bout all there is to see if you knows whut I means.”
Nearby Oak Hill will annex Millerton, and residents will soon be changing their return address labels to read “Oak Hill”. It is unclear at this time whether Frico will continue to service the Cargill elevators. The Katy RR currently services most other locations in the rest of Oak Hill.
Here are a few photos of the carnage and the results of the railroad’s quick response to date..